I think the reason we have hobbies and real friends is to distract us from our illnesses and own-negativity so that we don't actually make ourselves ill by overly focusing upon those afflictions.
Lately, I've been battling with the VA. Had my hearing checked and surprisingly, no extreme hearing loss! Actually quite good for a near 55 year old that works in super noisy environments and enjoys rather loud hobbies! But my tinnitus, is on overload and the quieter the environment, the worse it is. VA has awarded me a 10% permanent disability on that. Next is the battle for my back, neck, and joint issues (all service related though they will at first deny it) and mental health issues.
Thinking about these things, particularly the PTSD has invoked further depression, self depreciation, and anxiety. I haven’t built a speaker now in over a year. There just hasn't been the desire to do anything creative. And, like all of you, it's not from lack of gear lol. Sometimes it's been enough just to get through the day. At 52, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD. Though I don't outwardly display the hyperactive portion. I've been trying various techniques and meds but some of them exasperated my migraines to the point that I have been hospitalized a few times.
I am on an upward swing. I had to go off all of my meds and restart. If you have had depression meds, SSRIs, you know what that can be like. I've been seeing a counselor and am working on different aspects of my life. One. Day. At. A. Time.
Thank you all for hearing me out and for being my friends
I hope things continue to improve and the counselor can put you on the right path. Best of luck with the VA. I'm confident you'll find some compassionate people willing listen and apply some bureaucratic pressure where needed.
The daily battles with mental illness are well known in our house. We've seen our share of ERs and psych wards over the years. My wife can't really convey what depression feels like in a way that I can really understand. My brain just isn't wired that way. For ADHD - yeah, but not for depression. When she was first diagnosed, I stumbled on a simple saying that sometimes helps ease her stress just enough that she doesn't spiral further downward. Maybe you've heard it too:
**You have already survived your worst day ever. **
I was diagnosed (finally) with BPD I about 12 years ago. I am medicated reasonably heavy for it. For those that may be unfamiliar with what Bipolar truly is, it is not related to anger control issues. There are rapid cycling cases, but not so rapid as a sudden outburst of anger followed by an apology. People often describe weather patterns as bipolar - both scenarios exhibit misunderstanding and downplay the seriousness of the illness.
We all live life on a sine wave of emotions. We all cycle from happy to down. Think of BPD as an extreme example. Our peaks are much higher in magnitude and generally speaking, frequency is lower (meaning peaks last longer). In extreme cases, peaks last for months and clipping occurs and distortion of reality sets in. During those peak times (plus or negative) it is impossible to function correctly in society. We lose jobs, we lose friends, we engage in risky behavior, we indulge addiction... During a manic phase, irritability is the primary driver of loss. It does not necessarily mean we are energetic and artistic (although BPD is extremely common in the artist community) but it can mean if we are already energetic and artistic (as I used to be) we take those things to extremes as well. However we can rarely actually finish anything. We are easily distracted and annoyed. I sometimes miss my manic phases - I would often be in my best physical condition during those phases. Working out was me starting something without worrying about finishing, there is no finish to exercise. I could drive and drive and drive myself in the dojo or the gym.
Enter depressive cycles, I am not going to talk much about my depressive cycles as it is, well - depressing. It is also dark with no end in sight. When you are a long cycler like me, you can expect to spend six months or even more in each phase, with very little "normal" between phases. Research suggests up to 20% of people with bipolar disorder, especially when untreated, die by suicide. A larger percentage, around 20% to 60%, attempt suicide at least once during their life. This is generally during the depressive cycle. I myself have not covertly attempted - but an argument could be made that some of my lifestyle choices may represent a long-term attempt.
Long story short - normalize mental illness and their treatments. When someone is depressed one of the worst things to say to them is "what do you have to be depressed about?" Never ever do that. If we knew, we would fix it. Instead, offer to let them talk. You may save a life.
That is a bit creepy as I notice such behavior in myself. Though the cycles seem to be multiple years long. But due to such long timelines it is hard to identify if it occurs on its own or is mostly triggered by outside factors.
I also seem to be affected by the seasons in reverse to how most people are. Spring gets me pretty bummed out for some reason. The only thing that seems to make sense is winter invokes a primal survival instinct that gives me an invigorating kick in the pants. But when that winter struggle goes away, the kick in the pants goes with it and takes me a couple months to readjust.
All this sounds a bit like the human cycles known as Biorhythms - I follow them occasionally when I feel out of sorts as a possible explanation/crutch which helps in dealing with it until it passes.
A brisk spring day Saturday. Decided to tackle the exhaust flex pipe on the wife's car. The joint that I thought was going to be tough was easy.. and the one I thought would be easy I ended up needing to drill out all 3 bolts . Many drill bits met their end that day.
@Steve_Lee said:
All this sounds a bit like the human cycles known as Biorhythms - I follow them occasionally when I feel out of sorts as a possible explanation/crutch which helps in dealing with it until it passes.
The difference for those with bipolar disorder is that the cycles are deeper/higher than nero typical. The depressive states, particularly for bipolar 1, can last months, even years without medication. And the intensity is going to be on the manic scale, both high and low
That cartoon could be from a Bob Newhart* sketch, with him on the phone explaining to a sceptical marketing type about how to play an LP:
"so you take a big piece of plastic out of a piece of cardboard, then you wipe it with a brush, then you put it on a revolving box with a metal arm and a spike on the end, and then you - don't tell me, let me guess! Then you attach some wires to another box, then attach some more wires to two boxes as big as a refrigerator, then you finally get to listen to something?!
Don't call us, we'll call you!"
Bob's "Introducing Tobacco to Civilisation" remains one of the funniest sketches ever. If you haven't heard it, please do so:
He's not pure bread but he is pure of heart. This dumb beast is a blast to have around the house and wants nothing more than to make his people happy. He is a mix of pug pomeranian and whatever leftover peices were laying around; and we love him!
Comments
I think the reason we have hobbies and real friends is to distract us from our illnesses and own-negativity so that we don't actually make ourselves ill by overly focusing upon those afflictions.
Lately, I've been battling with the VA. Had my hearing checked and surprisingly, no extreme hearing loss! Actually quite good for a near 55 year old that works in super noisy environments and enjoys rather loud hobbies! But my tinnitus, is on overload and the quieter the environment, the worse it is. VA has awarded me a 10% permanent disability on that. Next is the battle for my back, neck, and joint issues (all service related though they will at first deny it) and mental health issues.
Thinking about these things, particularly the PTSD has invoked further depression, self depreciation, and anxiety. I haven’t built a speaker now in over a year. There just hasn't been the desire to do anything creative. And, like all of you, it's not from lack of gear lol. Sometimes it's been enough just to get through the day. At 52, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD. Though I don't outwardly display the hyperactive portion. I've been trying various techniques and meds but some of them exasperated my migraines to the point that I have been hospitalized a few times.
I am on an upward swing. I had to go off all of my meds and restart. If you have had depression meds, SSRIs, you know what that can be like. I've been seeing a counselor and am working on different aspects of my life. One. Day. At. A. Time.
Thank you all for hearing me out and for being my friends
I hope things continue to improve and the counselor can put you on the right path. Best of luck with the VA. I'm confident you'll find some compassionate people willing listen and apply some bureaucratic pressure where needed.
The daily battles with mental illness are well known in our house. We've seen our share of ERs and psych wards over the years. My wife can't really convey what depression feels like in a way that I can really understand. My brain just isn't wired that way. For ADHD - yeah, but not for depression. When she was first diagnosed, I stumbled on a simple saying that sometimes helps ease her stress just enough that she doesn't spiral further downward. Maybe you've heard it too:
**You have already survived your worst day ever. **
If we can survive our own minds/imaginations, we can survive anything.
I was diagnosed (finally) with BPD I about 12 years ago. I am medicated reasonably heavy for it. For those that may be unfamiliar with what Bipolar truly is, it is not related to anger control issues. There are rapid cycling cases, but not so rapid as a sudden outburst of anger followed by an apology. People often describe weather patterns as bipolar - both scenarios exhibit misunderstanding and downplay the seriousness of the illness.
We all live life on a sine wave of emotions. We all cycle from happy to down. Think of BPD as an extreme example. Our peaks are much higher in magnitude and generally speaking, frequency is lower (meaning peaks last longer). In extreme cases, peaks last for months and clipping occurs and distortion of reality sets in. During those peak times (plus or negative) it is impossible to function correctly in society. We lose jobs, we lose friends, we engage in risky behavior, we indulge addiction... During a manic phase, irritability is the primary driver of loss. It does not necessarily mean we are energetic and artistic (although BPD is extremely common in the artist community) but it can mean if we are already energetic and artistic (as I used to be) we take those things to extremes as well. However we can rarely actually finish anything. We are easily distracted and annoyed. I sometimes miss my manic phases - I would often be in my best physical condition during those phases. Working out was me starting something without worrying about finishing, there is no finish to exercise. I could drive and drive and drive myself in the dojo or the gym.
Enter depressive cycles, I am not going to talk much about my depressive cycles as it is, well - depressing. It is also dark with no end in sight. When you are a long cycler like me, you can expect to spend six months or even more in each phase, with very little "normal" between phases. Research suggests up to 20% of people with bipolar disorder, especially when untreated, die by suicide. A larger percentage, around 20% to 60%, attempt suicide at least once during their life. This is generally during the depressive cycle. I myself have not covertly attempted - but an argument could be made that some of my lifestyle choices may represent a long-term attempt.
Long story short - normalize mental illness and their treatments. When someone is depressed one of the worst things to say to them is "what do you have to be depressed about?" Never ever do that. If we knew, we would fix it. Instead, offer to let them talk. You may save a life.
That is a bit creepy as I notice such behavior in myself. Though the cycles seem to be multiple years long. But due to such long timelines it is hard to identify if it occurs on its own or is mostly triggered by outside factors.
I also seem to be affected by the seasons in reverse to how most people are. Spring gets me pretty bummed out for some reason. The only thing that seems to make sense is winter invokes a primal survival instinct that gives me an invigorating kick in the pants. But when that winter struggle goes away, the kick in the pants goes with it and takes me a couple months to readjust.
Nm
Forgot to add, I was also diagnosed with cyclothymic disorder, now called bipolar 3. With meds, it's manageable. But always there.
All this sounds a bit like the human cycles known as Biorhythms - I follow them occasionally when I feel out of sorts as a possible explanation/crutch which helps in dealing with it until it passes.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_rhythm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biorhythm_(pseudoscience)
https://facade.com/biorhythm/
A brisk spring day Saturday. Decided to tackle the exhaust flex pipe on the wife's car. The joint that I thought was going to be tough was easy.. and the one I thought would be easy I ended up needing to drill out all 3 bolts
. Many drill bits met their end that day.
Nice day here too, got the bolts drilled/countersunk and speakers installed. I think I'm done fabbing, gotta do some body work next.
Interesting build. Definitely not in Kansas anymore!
Close to burning some (virtual) rubber.
The difference for those with bipolar disorder is that the cycles are deeper/higher than nero typical. The depressive states, particularly for bipolar 1, can last months, even years without medication. And the intensity is going to be on the manic scale, both high and low
Understood. Hope things get better for you all going through it - sounds too familiar at times.
Insomnia sucks - supposed to be at the gym in 3 hours, not sure I will be able to make it. Dammit.
I bought 100+ CD's from Columbia House in the late 80's early 90's. Pobably only spent $100 for all of them. It was quite fun!
I bought a pile of them, as well. Still have most of them.
All is right with the world, mistakes warts and all.
That cartoon could be from a Bob Newhart* sketch, with him on the phone explaining to a sceptical marketing type about how to play an LP:
"so you take a big piece of plastic out of a piece of cardboard, then you wipe it with a brush, then you put it on a revolving box with a metal arm and a spike on the end, and then you - don't tell me, let me guess! Then you attach some wires to another box, then attach some more wires to two boxes as big as a refrigerator, then you finally get to listen to something?!
Don't call us, we'll call you!"
Geoff
Coincidentally it is world bipolar day, so here is a shot to celebrate my personal mental illness.
Tough issue to manage- all the best to you !!!
Am I the only one who's life this sums up pretty well?
Here's little Walter, now 11 weeks old; he's doubled in size and is really starting to show some personality. Cuteness factor is 11.
Super friendly to people and other dogs but, strangely, not that keen on walks yet.
Being all black, it's quite hard to get a decent photo.
Off to advanced puppy school this weekend!
Geoff
He's not pure bread but he is pure of heart. This dumb beast is a blast to have around the house and wants nothing more than to make his people happy. He is a mix of pug pomeranian and whatever leftover peices were laying around; and we love him!
Interesting video - https://youtube.com/watch?v=EX1Gid2SlIc
Not opening? Could just be my phone.
I think this link will work -